Hi!
If your father or mother has cancer, you can be really rather sad or angry about it. Maybe you want to know what cancer is and how it’s treated. And are other children sometimes afraid? You will find a lot of answers on this site. Of course there are also tips. Will you join me?
What is cancer?
Your body is made up of millions of cells. These cells can divide – one cell becomes two, two becomes four and so on. So many new ones are added every day. Fortunately, cells die every day, otherwise you would get way too many. So there is a kind of balance.
In cancer, something goes wrong with those cells. One of the cells becomes sick. The sick cell keeps dividing and the new sick cells keep growing. They huddle together and push healthy cells aside. They can grow right through everything and start wandering about the body. So something has to be done about it!
Many many questions
Have you questions? Check if your question is listed below or send us an email. We try to answer as quickly as possible.
It’s very hard to say why someone gets cancer. Sometimes it’s just bad luck, luck that you can’t control.
No, not always. The treatments your mom or dad receives are meant to stop or remove the cancer cells. Often this works, but sometimes it doesn’t. It can also be that the cancer cells stay but don’t grow, so your mom or dad can still live for a long time.
The word ‘cancer’ comes from the Greek word ‘karnikos’, which means ‘crab.’ This is because a tumor often isn’t smooth and round but has sort of tentacles, like the legs of a crab. The people who discovered cancer thought it looked like a crab.
There are more than 100 different types of cancer. Each type has a different name, such as breast cancer, colon cancer, lung cancer, skin cancer, brain tumors, blood cancer (leukemia) and so on.
A tumour is another word for cancer. It is a clump of sick cells. Some people talk about a lump or a swelling. Beware: not every lump or swelling is cancer. Some lumps or swellings are harmless. When we talk about cancer, we mean a malignant (that is, ill) cells.
Cancer has existed for a long time. Two and a half thousand years ago they already tried to find out about the disease and in Egypt when they did excavations, they found mummies of people who had died of cancer. Cancer is really a very old illness.
Sick cells can wander throughout the body. On the spot where the cancer cells end up, a new tumour can grow. That is what we call metastasis or when the cancer spreads.
Cancer can run in the family and we know now that a few sorts can be hereditary. It can happen, but it doesn’t have to. And what´s more, if the cancer is hereditary, it still does not mean that you will get it later too. You can decide yourself whether you’d like to be tested for it– when you are older.
No, there are no means yet to prevent cancer. But you can try to keep the chance as small as possible by living as healthily as possible. By applying plenty of sunscreen, getting a vaccination against the HPV virus and not smoking or vaping, for example. And of course by eating fruit and vegetables every day and exercising a lot.
Cancer is NOT contagious. So you can just shake hands or give mother or father a kiss. And oh yes, also tell your friends because they sometimes also think that cancer is contagious.
Yoran: “My father has lung cancer and every time he had to cough I was afraid that I would get it too. Fortunately, I recently heard that that is not possible at all. The doctor thought it was a good thing that I had asked that question!”
Yes, but children don´t get cancer as often as, for instance, grandfathers, grandmothers, fathers and mothers. If you stand 1000 people who have cancer in a line, then 994 of them are grown-ups and only 6 are children.
Yes, animals can also get cancer. Just like the human body, an animal´s body is made up of cells. These cells can also get ill and divide really fast.
Maybe you can do a chore, unload the dishwasher, set the table or clean up your room yourself. Drawing a picture or writing a poem also helps, of course. Or just give your father or mother a hug.
Tests
To find out what exactly is going on or to see if the treatment is helping, your mother or father will have to go to hospital for some tests. Here are some of those tests.
X-rays
To see where the cancer is and how big the tumor is, x-rays are sometimes taken. In his photo you can see the inside of the body.
MRI
To see exactly where the cancer cells are located, an MRI is sometimes also necessary. Sound waves and a large, strong magnet create signals in the body that are converted into photos by a computer. An MRI machine is a kind of tube that makes a lot of noise and through which your father or mother slides on a movable bed. Because the examination takes quite a long time, your father or mother can bring along some music.
Treatment
Because there are so many different sorts of cancer, there are also different sorts of treatment. The doctor always looks for a treatment with the best possible chance of a cure and with the fewest bad side effects as possible.
Doctors all over the world are looking for better and new ways to treat cancer. Who knows one day they will be able to cure all the people and nobody will get cancer anymore
Chemotherapy
Chemotherapy
Perhaps the doctor will decide to give your mum or dad chemotherapy, also called chemo. These are medicines that attack the cancer cells. They are also called cytostatics (pronounced: sito statics). They make the cancer cells unable to divide and destroy them.
The annoying part of it is that these medicines also attack healthy cells. Cells in the tummy, for instance, that make your mum or dad feel like being sick, or the hair roots so that your mum or dad becomes bald. Luckily after some time the vomiting will go away and the hair will grow back. Some mums and dads will be tired for a long time after they have had chemotherapy.
Chemotherapy can be given through an intravenous drip, in pills or as an injection. Mostly your mum or dad will be given the medicines in hospital, but sometimes they are pills and can be taken at home.
A drip, or intravenous drip, is a plastic bag with a thin tube that hangs on a tall pole and a needle goes from the tube into a vein in your mum or dad’s arm. Usually there is a box with a counter on the pole too. That shows exactly how many drips of medicine are allowed to go through per minute.
Would you like to know more about chemotherapy? Please ask for the book, Chemo-Kasper, if you do. The book is about a boy with cancer, but it is also good to read if your mum or dad has cancer. If the hospital doesn’t know who Chemo-Kasper is, go to www.vokk.nl Sometimes cancer cells give wrong signals to their surroundings. For instance, they tell other cells that they have to grow or that blood vessels need to be made, so that the cancer cells can carry on eating. There are special medicines that can make sure that those wrong signals aren´t sent. That is called targeted treatment.
Radiation
Radiation
Cancer cells can also be destroyed by radiation. This happens in the radiotherapy department. Invisible beams are emitted from a large device and are aimed very precisely at the tumor. It is a very precise job because healthy cells must be spared as much as possible. The doctor calculates how much radiation is needed and where it should be delivered. Because it always has to be in the same place, dots or stripes are drawn on your father or mother’s body. If your father or mother is exposed to radiation on the head, a mask will be made. When everything is ready, the radiation can begin. Sometimes it only lasts a few minutes, but then it lasts for many days in a row. Your father or mother may have to go to the hospital every day for four weeks. Most fathers and mothers become tired from radiation and red or sore skin is also common.
Ask if you can come along to see what those devices look like. Maybe you can take a photo or make a video of it.
Stamcel
therapy
Stemcell transplant
If the cancer is in the blood cells, some fathers or mothers receive a stem cell transplant. Stem cells are a type of mother cell from which different types of new cells can arise. The stem cells are extracted from the blood of your father, mother or a donor using a special device and stored in a freezer. This is followed by an extra high dose of chemotherapy and/or radiation so that the cancer cells in your father or mother’s body are combated very fiercely. The stem cells are then given back. After a while they grow into healthy blood cells.
During this entire treatment, the risk of infections is high and your father or mother may sometimes have to lie separately in a room. You are not allowed to visit. That could take a few weeks. Once home, your father or mother must adhere to all kinds of health rules and take a lot of medication.
Changes
If your mum or dad has cancer, usually a lot changes. That takes some getting used to.
Doing fun things together
During the treatment your mum or dad will not be able to go to school or sports matches with you. That doesn’t mean that nothing is possible. If you tidy up your own room, make your own bed, or clear the table, your mum or dad can have a little rest and maybe you can still do some fun things together.
What does it do to you?
eing scared, angry and sad because your mum or dad has cancer is really normal. Let’s see what other kids have to say.
Letteke: “I often have stomach ache and am often awake for a long time. My mother says it’s because I’m scared.”
Pim: “Sometimes I don’t want to go to school. Then I’m afraid that something will happen at home, that my father will become even sicker, for example, and that I won’t be there.”
Yannick: “I’m afraid my mother is going to die.”
Sarah: “I sometimes dream that I walk through the house alone and can no longer find mom and dad. Then I wake up crying.”
Tim: “I understand it, but I hate that I always have to be calm.”
Bas: “Yesterday I punched someone. They called me a cancer kid. I had had it completely.”
Ella: “Sometimes I’m just angry with my sister. But of course he can’t do anything about it.”
Jurriaan: “When daddy had to cry, I had to cry too.”
Sarah: “I am sad quite often, but I don’t want my mother to see that. She already has enough on her mind. When I cry, I do it with a friend.”
Leon: “Crying is something for girls… I usually just play football. That helps.”
Netteke: “She used to always dance around the room and sing crazy songs. Now she can’t do anything anymore.”
Different from your brother or sister
Maybe you react differently from your brother or sister. Maybe your brother wants to talk about it all and you really don’t. Or maybe your sister wants to go to hospital and you´d rather not. That is all okay, because everybody deals with it in her/his own way.
Be happy, don´t give up and be strong
Actually that’s by far the most important thing of all. Write a postcard, make a drawing, be strong, don´t give up hope. Is your birthday party not going ahead? Next month it might. Can´t you go on holiday at the moment? Let´s hope next year you will!
School
Friends, children in the neighbourhood
Make sure that your friends know what is going on. Ask them if they want to help you when you’re feeling down. And more than anything else go and do lots of nice things together!
What helps?
Talk about it
(doesn’t matter who with!)
Write about it
(how about a diary?)
Draw about it
(and send your drawings to us!)
Write a poem
Hit a cushion hard
Cycle against the wind
Hit a punch ball
(ask for one for your birthday)
Kick against the wall
(mind your toes)
Listen to your favourite music
Play the drums
Dance
Play computer games
Do you know any other things that might help or do you have something to say too? Click on the bulletin board or send us an e-mail.
Talk about cancer
The future
Fortunately, many fathers and mothers get better again. The cancer stays away and the unpleasant time of hospital, treatments and being sad is over.
Some parents have been changed by the cancer and the treatments. They are missing a breast, have a scar or a stoma. Others have to do exercises every day to get stronger again. Sometimes you don’t notice anything on the outside, but they still think about it often. Then they go for a walk, cycle, draw, play sports or do odd jobs in the garden. Or they go and talk to someone. Because that helps. But of course you know that too!
Of course, your father or mother still has to go to the hospital every now and then to make sure everything continues to go well. But that too diminishes after a while. The cancer becomes a memory. Maybe you’ll think about it again later, maybe you won’t. That’s all good.
If it is not possible to get rid of the cancer, there are often medications that ensure that the cancer cells remain silent for a while. And when those medicines no longer work, there are sometimes new medicines available. So the cancer cells may remain there, but not grow or change. This means your father or mother can live for a very long time!
The cancer cells must of course be closely monitored. So your father or mother will often have to go to the hospital. And maybe your father or mother is no longer in great shape. Being tired and sad is also part of it because it is quite strange to know that those cancer cells do not go away.
When your father or mother dies
Sometimes a person is so sick that the doctor thinks he or she will die soon. You will feel angry, sad and scared. You may have all kinds of questions, such as when your father or mother will die and how that will happen. Talk about it with your parents or the doctor.
It’s nice to keep doing things. Read a story, bake muffins, make a smoothie, maybe make a video as a memory.
If your father or mother is in severe pain and is confused or scared, the doctor can give medication to ensure that your father or mother no longer feels anything and goes to sleep. If you want to say something or give a hug, do so before the doctor gives these medications. It may take a few days for your father or mother to die.
A dying person sleeps more and more and needs less and less food and drink. Maybe you want to crawl into bed with your father or mother, or you want to say or write something. Or maybe you hope it will be over soon. It's not strange if you think this. It's just hard when someone you love dies.
Some fathers or mothers are so ill that they no longer want to continue living. They ask the doctor to help them die. That's called euthanasia. Maybe you don't understand it, but really, your father or mother loves you very much. And yet it doesn't work anymore. Give one last hug or kiss. The doctor first gives a medicine that causes your parent to fall deeply asleep. Then a medicine that causes the heart to stop beating.
After father or mother dies, there will be a funeral or cremation. Maybe you want to write something or paint the coffin and your friends come to say goodbye. Maybe you want to make music or sing. Maybe you don't want these kinds of things. That's totally okay. And then you have to continue without your father or mother. It may take a long time before you notice that you are doing better again.
Bulletin board
Do you also want your drawing on the notice board? Send it to us! You can also download Coloring Page.
[click on an image to enlarge]
[click on an image to enlarge]
Shop
Not yet available in English.
Boeken & films
Jess en Sam gaan op jacht
De papa van Sam en de mama van Roos hebben kanker. Gelukkig krijgen ze hulp van Jess en Josie.
Wanneer je moeder of vader kanker heeft
Als je hoort dat je moeder of vader kanker heeft, dan verandert er veel. Je wereld staat ineens op z’n kop.
Alles wat ik voel
In dit boek worden allerlei soorten emoties benoemd en worden er vragen gesteld en tips gegeven over hoe met deze ingewikkelde gevoelens om te gaan.
Het Klokhuisboek over kanker
Uitleg over kanker, reacties van andere kinderen, grappige weetjes, chats, mailtjes en heel veel praktische informatie.
De club van ons
Invulboek voor ouder en kind om herinneringen op te schrijven, foto’s en briefjes in te plakken en geheimen te delen.
Hotel De Grote L
Eigenlijk zouden álle kinderen en volwassenen dit boek moeten lezen! Gek, mooi en herkenbaar.
Kleine Monnik
De kleine Monnik maakt een reis op zoek naar antwoorden en kracht. Over hoe je kind in moeilijke tijden sterk te maken.
De koningin met de 7 pruiken
Over een koningin die kanker krijgt, haar haren verliest en haar kamer niet meer uit wil.
Overal en ergens
Yolanda vindt haar overleden mama in alle dingen om haar heen. Mooi boek vol troost.
Lucas en de ziekte kanker
Bij de moeder van Lucas wordt een knobbeltje in haar borst gevonden. Lucas vertelt wat hij meemaakt.
Waantje krijgt de knarsen
Als Waantje kladderadatsj (chemo) krijgt, staan alle Horizonnetjes klaar om haar te helpen.
Mama
Stijn (6) tekent over zijn moeder die borstkanker heeft; een boekje om zelf mee aan de slag te gaan. Te bestellen via boekmama2021@gmail.com
Een zoen zo groen
Sprookjesachtig prentenboek over een meisje met een moeder die een boze knoop in haar lijf heeft.
Kids Power, word je nog beter?
Heeft je vader of moeder kanker? Dan is dit boek iets voor jou. In dit powerboek maken de dieren je sterk.
Opvrolijkvogeltje
Als dit prachtige, veelkleurig vogeltje door het land vliegt, brengt ze vrolijkheid en energie aan alle dieren die ze tegenkomt.
Doe-boek papa/mama
Informatief werkboek van het Erasmus MC voor kinderen van wie een vader of moeder kanker heeft.
Doe-boek opa/oma
Informatief werkboek van het Erasmus MC voor kinderen van wie een opa of oma kanker heeft.
Mijn mama heeft een zakje
Een moeder met een zakje? Dat klinkt wel een beetje raar. Weet jij wat een stoma is? Lees dan dit boekje maar!
Papa, hoor je me?
De vader van Polle is overleden en ligt in de kamer. Polle praat tegen hem en vertelt hoe zijn vader steeds zieker werd.
Mama heeft kanker
Als mama een knobbeltje in haar buik heeft, breekt er voor Bram en Lise een verwarrende tijd aan (ebook, online te lezen).
Misschien is doodgaan wel hetzelfde als een vlinder worden
Christiaan is met opa in het park. Ineens komt hun gesprek op de dood.
Mama’s borst is ziek
Een beeldend en vernieuwend prentenboek, hoopvol met hier en daar een knipoog.
